Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
