I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
