I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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