Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
