mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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