We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
