life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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