i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
