They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
