he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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