I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
