I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
