There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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