My nipple is on Facebook.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
