I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
