it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
