I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
