My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
