What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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