And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
