i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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