Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize