i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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