Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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