Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
