Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize