just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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