HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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