have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
