farters have to be the big spoon...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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