You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
