i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
