How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
