I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
