There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
