Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
