When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
