well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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