i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
