Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
