allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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