i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
