dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
