I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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