Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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