hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
