So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
