can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
