good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize