that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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