she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
