Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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