I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
