i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
