How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
