I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
