Whod you bang
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
