You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
