Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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