i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
