So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think my vagina is haunted
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
