Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
