i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize