Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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