He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
