Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
