cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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