i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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