I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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