So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
