Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Please, let me fuck your mom
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
