Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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