my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So much Jack, so little girl.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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