i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
