o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's never too late to be topless.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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