My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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