you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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