Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
