the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
