It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
