I just threw up on my dentist
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
