yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
