Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
